I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Text me some of your sweat
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize