Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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