Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
