I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
