Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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