just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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