apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
