I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Randomize
