I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize