it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
