Me. At least after what I've been through.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize