I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
this boner is exhausting
She even gives head with a lisp.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
