I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize