a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
