I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
