I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
