There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
