I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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