3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
