Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
