um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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