Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
