you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
