i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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