I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
