Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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