If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
