...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
