i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize