Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
