So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
