Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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