i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
