Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
