Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
