In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
