conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
