If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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