is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
