At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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