Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
