I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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