That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
