The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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