All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
