We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
