This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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