Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
vagina is talking i cant
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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