The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
