you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
