why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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