Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
