I hate all girls vehemently.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
