then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
