the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
