Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
