Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
