She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
