'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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