i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
