Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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