Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
