Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
